What If ...
I have a confession to make. Every time I sit down to make an entry in my blog, I internally resolve to do it every single day. Still, so great is the joy of having succesfully accomplished the mammoth task of creating another phenomenal post that I completely forget about it. Hence, before I begin ranting, I take an oath at this unearthly hour to henceforth honour the promises I make to myself. Having said that, I must also warn you at this point, that this post has the full potential of ending up being a very long one and also random in places, since am blogging after such a long gap.
Phew! 2009! Where have I been the past 6 years. Its been 2 years since I finished college and I am still living in 'Loserville'. I quit my job about a month back. Told everybody that I had other plans - big plans - Of joining an NGO or a Research Project. Today, am still without a job. Not that I repent my decision to quit. They would've kicked me out anyway, the way things were going. So basically, I have nothing but my plans for CAT this year. And oh yeah! In case, I didn't mention this earlier, I scored a 95.3 percentile in CAT last year ( a proud moment considering the amount of preparation that had gone into it :)) and also managed to get an interview call from XLRI Jamshedpur. Royally screwed the interview though and ruined all my chances of building a better life for myself. :(
As much as I try not to dwell in the past, I cant help but think what would've happened if I had lived the past few years a little differently. Chaos Theory afterall suggests that "even a slight change in the initial condition may manifest itself as a huge change in the final outcome".
Would things have been different if I had not met "A"? Things were almost perfect till the end of our induction training. I had performed brilliantly in the training and was on my way to a most glorious career in IT after a year of which I would enter 1 of the premier B Schools in the country. Well, that was the plan initially. But I will have to admit to the fact that I had developed a slight crush on him when I first met him. I secretly kept hoping that we would be together in each of the group activities although I did not express it so openly then. This fear of letting my affection known to others led to a kind of outward fury. I ranted on and on about how arrogant he was and how much I hated the sight of him.
Even later, when we became friends, strangely the friction kept coming back. We argued and fought endlessly over trivial issues. But every time that I was with him, it only became clearer how perfectly he embodied everything that I admire and love so much. He had become my idol, my object of worship. People linked the 2 of us together all the time and that opened the Pandora's box of possibilities for me. (A foolish thought when I look back now) For I forgot that I wanted to do an MBA. I also forgot that had to perform and prove my mettle at the workplace. Before, I knew it, I was thinking about "A" all the time.
But the final realisation came on New Year's eve I think. That night, In my dead drunk state, when he loving lokked into my eyes smiling as sweetly as ever and held my hand, I knew I wanted nothing else but to be truly and madly in love with him.
I wish that moment could last forever. I wish he would not grow so indifferent since that day. Although we remain friends and he tries to love me now knowing how I feel, I know for a fact that there'll always be this lingering hope and I'll always wait for him to feel the same way. And I can't help but wonder if he too would've loved me if he had not met her first!
Kaash
- Call
(My favorite song right now)
wo raastay
gum na ho thay
hum sehra na
bhatak thay
ye sadiyon kay
safar mein
us waqt jo
teher jaa thay
4x: Kuch toh tum keh jaate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
aaj bhi
talaash hai
wo raastey
chalay the jin pe
is tarah kabhi yun
saath saath
hamesha
is safar mein
4x: hum tumse keh paate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
P.S. I dont care of none of you wanted to read such a long post about my failed love life. I just had to dedicate this post to "us" :)
Phew! 2009! Where have I been the past 6 years. Its been 2 years since I finished college and I am still living in 'Loserville'. I quit my job about a month back. Told everybody that I had other plans - big plans - Of joining an NGO or a Research Project. Today, am still without a job. Not that I repent my decision to quit. They would've kicked me out anyway, the way things were going. So basically, I have nothing but my plans for CAT this year. And oh yeah! In case, I didn't mention this earlier, I scored a 95.3 percentile in CAT last year ( a proud moment considering the amount of preparation that had gone into it :)) and also managed to get an interview call from XLRI Jamshedpur. Royally screwed the interview though and ruined all my chances of building a better life for myself. :(
As much as I try not to dwell in the past, I cant help but think what would've happened if I had lived the past few years a little differently. Chaos Theory afterall suggests that "even a slight change in the initial condition may manifest itself as a huge change in the final outcome".
Would things have been different if I had not met "A"? Things were almost perfect till the end of our induction training. I had performed brilliantly in the training and was on my way to a most glorious career in IT after a year of which I would enter 1 of the premier B Schools in the country. Well, that was the plan initially. But I will have to admit to the fact that I had developed a slight crush on him when I first met him. I secretly kept hoping that we would be together in each of the group activities although I did not express it so openly then. This fear of letting my affection known to others led to a kind of outward fury. I ranted on and on about how arrogant he was and how much I hated the sight of him.
Even later, when we became friends, strangely the friction kept coming back. We argued and fought endlessly over trivial issues. But every time that I was with him, it only became clearer how perfectly he embodied everything that I admire and love so much. He had become my idol, my object of worship. People linked the 2 of us together all the time and that opened the Pandora's box of possibilities for me. (A foolish thought when I look back now) For I forgot that I wanted to do an MBA. I also forgot that had to perform and prove my mettle at the workplace. Before, I knew it, I was thinking about "A" all the time.
But the final realisation came on New Year's eve I think. That night, In my dead drunk state, when he loving lokked into my eyes smiling as sweetly as ever and held my hand, I knew I wanted nothing else but to be truly and madly in love with him.
I wish that moment could last forever. I wish he would not grow so indifferent since that day. Although we remain friends and he tries to love me now knowing how I feel, I know for a fact that there'll always be this lingering hope and I'll always wait for him to feel the same way. And I can't help but wonder if he too would've loved me if he had not met her first!
Kaash
- Call
(My favorite song right now)
wo raastay
gum na ho thay
hum sehra na
bhatak thay
ye sadiyon kay
safar mein
us waqt jo
teher jaa thay
4x: Kuch toh tum keh jaate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
aaj bhi
talaash hai
wo raastey
chalay the jin pe
is tarah kabhi yun
saath saath
hamesha
is safar mein
4x: hum tumse keh paate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
2x:
kabhi tho milo ge
kabhi tho kaho ge
hum jo yun na jaate
kaash teher jaate
P.S. I dont care of none of you wanted to read such a long post about my failed love life. I just had to dedicate this post to "us" :)
posted by moody_mermaid | 2:39 AM
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1 comments
